Happy Mother's Day.

So three times today I nearly burst into tears. I love my mom so much. She did everything for my sister and me. I hope she knew how great of a mom she was. I was such a brat. Always telling her I hated her when I was a teenager. I'd storm into my bedroom, stomping on those stairs as hard as I could, and then slam the door. I sucked. And the last time we spoke...well, that's reason I cried once today. Not that I told her I hated her. But I rushed off the phone. She was giving me a hard time about a pair of denim capri pants. Denim capri pants can be awesome, mom. And then, a few weeks later...heart attack.

Tried not to get bitter today. Allowed myself to be sad, and jealous of my BF, whose momma is still alive, and who we're living with while he's in nursing school. Winced at all the "Buy a Mother's Day gift" ads I got in my email from 1-800-Flowers.com. But then I became immune to it. Today, when I went on FB, I didn't even mind seeing all the Happy Mother's Day messages. Happy Mother's Day indeed.

It's so easy to get jaded when we lose something...You just have to allow yourself to feel all the crazies you're going to feel. I don't know how you do that. Maybe the best thing you can do is not judge yourself for your crazies.

I say you...but I mean me.

Introduction

First of all, sorry to DietGirl and the NPR reporter who used this title first. What a strange confluence it is that I happened to come up with the same title you did. I was in the middle of a Wii Fit exercise when it happened. Well, I was doing a Wii fit exercise and thinking about how I think all the time, and how that's not very good for my brain and how I should stop doing that, and how, probably, if I wanted to stop doing that, I should meditate, and how I've been meaning to start on a course of meditation, and how I've not only wanted to begin meditating but how I've wanted to be a Buddhist, a really good Buddhist, but have stopped myself from jumping in out of a squishiness and all-around American dis-ease with Eastern thought. And then I thought, Open Up and Say Om, and the rest, I hope, will be a pleasant history for all, with the loving kindness of Google and Blogger, and my friends willing to take this journey with me, of course.

Today is an auspicious day to begin this journey. Tomorrow is mother's day, and I've been feeling sort of blue. See, two years ago -- on 10/1/08 -- a day I'll alway remember -- I lost my mom. Mommy I called her, even into my 30's. I miss her, and dealing with a loss like is the kind of thing we really need religion for.

Well, this has been a good start, I think. More tomorrow on my mom. With loving kindness, and the compassion I hope to cultivate, Christine.